I’m A Work In Progress – D. Salvatore, 2×04 Memory Lane

This is a fly by post with my thoughts on the D/E motel scene and the final D/E scene in episode 3×19. I haven’t watched the whole episode nor do I plan to at the moment. I also haven’t watched any of the episodes since 3×13. With that frame of reference established, I’m going to start with the last scene first.

It’s possibly one of the most flawless moments in TVD history, certainly between these two. In this and the motel scene that famous “understanding” was back and for once it was verbalized. They’re finally telling each other the things that they’ve learned or noticed about each other and giving each other a chance to fill in the blanks or confirm what they always suspected to be true about each other.

I titled this post with one of Damon’s lines from Memory Lane. It always stuck out in my mind because he said the words to Jenna but he was looking right at Elena. In one of the drabbles from my Coming Home series, I wrote that the words and the look were almost a warning or a statement of intent, Damon’s way of telling Elena that one day, he was going to be the kind of man that she could love at which point, she’d have no place left to hide. Well, that day appears to have come.

Damon’s response to Elena’s fear of her own feelings was the perfect one. We’ve seen Elena push Damon to accept responsibility and consequences so many times. Now he’s pushing her to do the same when it comes to her emotions. He’s not going to make it easy for her to run from what she feels, nor should he. He finally feels worthy of her. He might still struggle with his Stefan issues or be scared that Elena won’t choose him over his brother but he doesn’t seem to doubt that he’s good enough anymore and that is a massive step forward for him character wise.

As for Elena, I adore her. Sometimes, I think Damon himself doesn’t quite realize how many times he wrong footed her, how many times he went out of his way to damage her fledgling faith in him. The miracle of all it is that despite his (and Stefan’s) best efforts, Elena has fought long and hard to keep sight of who she believes Damon to be, at his core. That’s the man she’s fallen (or falling depending on how you want to look at it) in love with. But she’s scared to commit to him. She’s scared to tell the world that she loves him because he is scared to let the world see the man that she fell in love with. He only shows that side to her and for a long time, it allowed her to question and grapple with whether or not what she saw was even real. Now that she knows or has decided that it is, she’s questioning whether or not it’s enough.

When you love Damon, you spend a lot of time defending him. We all know that and we all know that it ain’t always easy. More than her feelings, I think Elena is wondering if she can stand by him through thick and thin. The AMAZING thing about that struggle though is that she inherently understands that Damon will accept nothing less than everything and more to the point, she believes that he deserves nothing less. The whole not doing things in half measures? She and Damon have that in common.

Damon is right to stand his ground and put the choice on her shoulders. But Elena is right not to commit before she is ready. But I think (I hope) people are finally seeing that Elena has never taken pleasure in hurting Damon. She’s not trying to lead him on or break his heart – all the opposite. It’s as hard for her as it is for him and has been for a long time but I don’t think that’s been obvious until now.

Moving onto the motel scene. I particularly loved the conversation about why Damon doesn’t let other people see the good in him. Because as I said above, this is actually quite a large part of Elena’s problem. It was raised in the episode where they fought after he tried to kill Caroline’s father as well. She said something along the line of not wanting him to be what other people think, implying she wants him to be the man she sees in him instead.

And here Damon explains that he is loathe to deal with people’s expectations. I’ve been saying this for years so I felt kind of vindicated 😆 Believe the worst of Damon and he’ll go out of his way to deliver – at least that’s how it used to be. Now and with Elena, it’s different. I think one of the reasons she was so overwhelmed is because the enormity of it finally hit her. For centuries, Damon has lived down to expectations and only for her and with her has he tried to do the opposite. It is a hell of a thing to realize that you’ve had that kind of impact on someone, never mind on someone like Damon.

And as for the kiss, it’s never been a secret that she’s attracted to him or that she wants him. But that kiss was fueled by a lot more than just lust. She wanted – and still wants – to be close to him. But wanting something and knowing how to have it are two different things. It’s Elena’s turn to be a work in progress and eventually she’ll get to the point where she’s looking for ways to be with him rather than reasons to run.


Because At The End of The Day…They’re Family

So this is really just a fly by post. TVD and I are still on a break  and I am still head over heels for ASkars but as I promised, I have been watching the occasional D/E scene on YouTube and after last night, I had a couple of observations to make. 😛

I only watched the last scene so I’m not really analyzing it in the context of anything else that’s happened in S3, only what I know about these two characters from S1 &2. What struck me the most, aside from the intimacy – seriously, this has ALWAYS been my favorite word to describe Damon and Elena’s relationship – was the moment where Elena says that Stefan will be saved not because he loves her, but because he loves Damon. Damon’s reaction to that is what got me to actually write this post. I think he was genuinely surprised by what she said and immediately you see him disappear inside himself but not in a negative way, rather in a reflective one.

I think that Damon honestly doubts that Stefan loves him. I think that over many years (probably since the whole Katherine getting taken by Giuseppe debacle in 1864) Damon has consistently chalked up any remotely nice thing Stefan does for him to Stefan’s inability to handle guilt; guilt over things he did, things he didn’t do, the sky being blue etc. Even the devil’s bargain with Klaus, I can see Damon perceiving as something from Stefan not wanting to feel guilty because he didn’t life a finger to save his brother. Mind you, I’m not saying that this is Stefan’s ACTUAL motivation, just that I can see Damon looking at it that way.

Now, all of a sudden he has Elena – who is basically the person he trusts most in the world at this point – telling him that Stefan loves him more than he loves her. Because it’s Elena, he can’t dismiss it out of hand and I think that’s important. Regardless of my personal feelings for Stefan (and honestly, none of them are pleasant) his approval and his affection is something that Damon has longed for for a long time. Yes, Damon still has to travel the path of being a better man for himself first and foremost, but I’ve always said that he deserves to have people support him in that. Truly believing that his brother does love him is going to help rather than hinder his development.

And as for Miss Gilbert. I was smiling at my computer screen as she described Rebekah and literally saying out loud, “Wow, remind you of anyone?” She talked about the most important bond being between family and she’s right. But family isn’t just about blood. It’s about who you love and how you love them. It’s about being ready and willing to do anything you can to protect them, it’s about wanting the best for them and always being there no matter what. Damon and Elena have been that to each other for so long now that I don’t see how anyone could argue that these two aren’t each others family.

The connection they have exists on so many levels. It’s friendship, it’s love, it’s family, eventually it’ll be lovers. But all those things are manifestations of the fact that they fit together in every way that it’s possible for two people to fit and this entire scene managed to encapsulate all of those nuances which is no small feat. Part of what makes Damon and Elena’s realtionship real is how complicated and three dimensional it is. That’s also what makes it so damn beautiful.

Almost Isn’t Good Enough

The season 3 premiere came so close to sucking me in again but then it fell short and you know what they say, almost isn’t good enough. I couldn’t think of a better way to say my (prolonged but still hopefully temporary) goodbye to these two than writing them letters. And I know there are people out there who loved the episode and who are feeling optimistic. I’m glad for them and I don’t want to taint that. This is just where I’m at personally. So disclaimer : DO NOT READ IF YOU WERE HAPPY WITH THE EPISODE AND LOVING DELENA AND NOT GIVING A CRAP ABOUT THE TWO MINUTES OF STELENA AT THE END.


A drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I’m holding you closer than most,
‘Cause you are my heaven.

Dear Elena,

It’s funny how things work out. When I first met you, I had no idea I’d grow to love you so much. Damon and I have that in common. I’ve discovered so many things about you; admired your strength, cursed your stubbornness but mostly just fallen in love with the way you fight for who and what you believe in. Damon’s reaped the benefits of that and Stefan probably will eventually too.

It’s no secret, I’m not a fan of your relationship with Stefan and honestly if I had my way, you’d never give him the time of day again. But that’s out of my hands and I know it probably won’t go down like that. I still hope though, that one day you’ll realize, the other Salvatore brother is the one that’s meant for you.

You’ve looked into Damon in ways that you’ve never looked into Stefan. And he’s let you. I know that somewhere inside you, you understand what that means. I hope you treasure it.

I’m not writing this letter to shoot the breeze. I’m writing it because my dear, you’re on your own. 18 years old and mostly grown. It’s time for me to take a step back from this journey that you’re on.

Be careful with Damon. He’s more breakable than even you know – even more now that he’s trying recapture the man inside him that’s spent all those centuries hidden. Try not to hurt him anymore than you can help.

You and Damon mean a lot to me. I want you to find your way to each other. I want you to be brave and give him a chance. But I can’t make you do it and I can’t watch his heart keep breaking over you, over Stefan, over you & Stefan.

So I’m out, at least for now. But that’s no excuse for you not to be the woman I know you are. Fight for yourself first, Elena. I think that’s all I can really ask of you.


Dear Damon,

You know you gutted me tonight, right? It’s becoming a nasty habit of yours. I’m not even sure I know what to tell you – there aren’t words for the frustration and rage and pain I felt from you tonight. I know you feel as if you’ve failed but that’s not the case. You know better than anyone that you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. He’s your brother, you love him. Doesn’t matter whether I think he deserves it or not.

But you also love her and she’s the one who’s here and who needs you. You’re doing well so far; protecting her but not sugar coating the truth. She needs to understand what Stefan is – all of what he is – before she can make a real choice about being with him or not.

Here’s the part that worries me and I know that you’re probably not letting yourself think about it because you’re you. When Stefan does come back, she won’t just walk away from him. That’s not who she is and you wouldn’t love her as much as you do if it was.

Now I know you, Damon. I know who you’ve been, who you are and who you’re trying to be. I don’t doubt for a minute that you love them both enough to turn your back if that’s what they need. But god help me, I can’t be there to see it happen and I can’t spend the next nine months waiting to see if it will, hoping against hope that it won’t.

I know that Elena belongs with you. I know how much you love her. I hope she’ll come to love you back just as much. You deserve that and so does she. You two are part of me now and I’ll always be out there hoping that you find your way.


I feel like I should also point out that my reaction here has very little to do with Damon and Elena or their realtionship directly. It’s really about the writers and the fact I’m tired of making excuses or defending details. That S/E scene at the end really bugged me because I feel like it’s pandering and that makes me in turn feel as if my emotions are being exploited. I’m too invested in D/E for my own good probably but the relationship I have with this show has gotten abusive. TV is not supposed to be this painful to watch.

That’s the real reason I’m taking a break. I’ll catch up in a hiatus or next summer.

Recapturing The Magic

EP Julie Plec says Damon and ELENA share a dance and that Katherine is not in attendence

Dear TVD Writers,

My heart skipped several beats when I saw this picture and even more when I read the caption where Julie Plec confirms that yes, Damon and Elena share a dance. If this is some twisted joke on your part or if you plan to toy with my very fragile and sensitive Delena heart, then please have mercy and don’t.

If this picture is everything I think it is – if it’s capturing an honest to god sweet moment between Damon and Elena with all the ease and chemistry and intimacy that they are capable of sharing – then I think I’ll love you forever.

All I ask is that this be real. That there be no strings attached. No backlash. And well, if Elena could start opening up her eyes and realizing that Damon is changing and trying and that he loves her and would die for her without a second thought. If she could realize that she doesn’t want to die without telling him that she cares about him but she knows its more and she just wishes that she’d had more time to figure it out and understand it. Well, I would be okay with that. 🙂


And because we need more prettiness lucas13oth – the awesome vid maker – who also made “Here Comes Goodbye” made this new video. Which I will of course eventually end up writing a one shot about 🙂

Check it out.


Top Five Most Important Delena Moments This Season So Far

Fellow Delena shippers,

We have been snapped, burned, beaten and otherwise tortured tested this season and especially recently with a serious lack of interaction between our favorite couple. Again at the suggestion of another hardcore D/E fan (Thanks Daisy!) I’ve decided to turn my attention to what I think are the five most significant moments between them this season. I’m going to do this in chronological order because I think it shows the full circle of things.

Episode: The Return


What It Means: Aside from establishing that front porches are totally one of their things (along with kitchens, road trips and five minute time outs) this scene showcased just how beautifully Elena’s understanding of Damon has developed since they first met. It also showcases all of her concern and worry for him as well as hinting at some of her fear that her feelings for him are more than just platonic. That deer in headlights look she gets when Damon says, “You’re scared” is very telling.

The JNSI was what it was and it was critical to Damon’s development and so indirectly to Delena’s development. But this scene on the porch is the summit of it all for me. It’s where everything that happened in the back end of season one was actually leading to. It’s the epitome of the trust, the caring, the intimacy that these two had begun to share and that gives us a glimpse – just a tiny one – into what they can be and what they will be when the writers come to their senses they’re finally together.

Find out what other scenes made my list here

Elena & The Green Eyed Monster

So as you’ve probably noticed it’s been radio/blog silence from me after the last two episodes, with reason. I’ve not been happy and I’ve not been impressed. However, I love this couple and am not going to let a shocking, catastrophicly dire little thing like lack of D/E scenes in three episodes throw me off my game. 😆

At the suggestion of a fellow shipper (thanks pjt!) I’ve decided to have a look at Elena’s display of this emotion :

Elena was no happy to discover that Katherine was in her words “shacking up” with the brothers Salvatore. Now, personally, if I was Elena, I’d be a little less miffed, oh I don’t know, if my boyfriend hadn’t half strangled me to death because he can’t tell the difference between a 500 plus year old vampire and my 18 year old human self.

Clearly Stefan is not much on the details like you know, a beating human heart. Might explain that five minute issue. To quote Gossip Girl and Blair Waldorf, “A woman remembers.” 😆

Okay, okay, enough potshots about Stefan’s stamina or lack thereof. The real point of this post is to figure out what exactly Elena is all up in arms about. Here are the options.

a) She is worried that Katherine will mind whammy Stefan into becoming her love slave

b) She is worried that Katherine will mind whammy Damon into deciding that she (Elena) isn’t worth being hopelessly devoted to

c) She is worried about a and b

d) She is worried that Katherine is just one more in a line of women – Rose, Andie, Jessica – that have been introduced by the writers as a way to pathetically plausibly prevent her from following her destiny and just getting with Damon already.

Read the rest here to see if your answer is the same as mine 8)

Evolution: The Flip Side

Someone asked if I’d do a post similar to the one I did on the evolution of Elena’s feelings, for Damon so here it is 🙂

I’ve always considered Damon and Elena’s first meeting to have happened in the pilot, in the graveyard. The pilot is actually littered with references to Damon and his eventual role in Elena’s life but the graveyard is the first time that Elena and Damon (in human form) occupy the same space.

The fact that Damon is already watching her – and scaring her – sets the stage for everything that their relationship has evolved into since then.

There is no denying that right off the bat Damon is quite fascinated by Elena; he’s in intrigued by her in the same way he’d be intrigued by anything out of the ordinary. Let’s think about where he’s at, at this point in the series. He’s 160 years old give or take and he’s spent the last 145 years with two objectives: freeing Katherine and making Stefan miserable.  Since the former meant waiting for that comet to pass around, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Damon spent a lot of time being lonely and bored.

Elena’s existence provides an unexpected source of entertainment for him. Especially because he can satisfy his own curiosity and annoy Stefan at the same time.

The graveyard meeting as I mentioned really sets the stage. Elena doesn’t see Damon and even if she had she’d have no idea who he was. Nevertheless, she senses his presence and it unnerves her.  He’s still unnerving her albeit for very different reasons. And just as she ran from the fog and the crow, she’s still – although less and less in my opinion anyway – running from her feelings for him.

Read The Rest

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