Because At The End of The Day…They’re Family

So this is really just a fly by post. TVD and I are still on a break  and I am still head over heels for ASkars but as I promised, I have been watching the occasional D/E scene on YouTube and after last night, I had a couple of observations to make. 😛

I only watched the last scene so I’m not really analyzing it in the context of anything else that’s happened in S3, only what I know about these two characters from S1 &2. What struck me the most, aside from the intimacy – seriously, this has ALWAYS been my favorite word to describe Damon and Elena’s relationship – was the moment where Elena says that Stefan will be saved not because he loves her, but because he loves Damon. Damon’s reaction to that is what got me to actually write this post. I think he was genuinely surprised by what she said and immediately you see him disappear inside himself but not in a negative way, rather in a reflective one.

I think that Damon honestly doubts that Stefan loves him. I think that over many years (probably since the whole Katherine getting taken by Giuseppe debacle in 1864) Damon has consistently chalked up any remotely nice thing Stefan does for him to Stefan’s inability to handle guilt; guilt over things he did, things he didn’t do, the sky being blue etc. Even the devil’s bargain with Klaus, I can see Damon perceiving as something from Stefan not wanting to feel guilty because he didn’t life a finger to save his brother. Mind you, I’m not saying that this is Stefan’s ACTUAL motivation, just that I can see Damon looking at it that way.

Now, all of a sudden he has Elena – who is basically the person he trusts most in the world at this point – telling him that Stefan loves him more than he loves her. Because it’s Elena, he can’t dismiss it out of hand and I think that’s important. Regardless of my personal feelings for Stefan (and honestly, none of them are pleasant) his approval and his affection is something that Damon has longed for for a long time. Yes, Damon still has to travel the path of being a better man for himself first and foremost, but I’ve always said that he deserves to have people support him in that. Truly believing that his brother does love him is going to help rather than hinder his development.

And as for Miss Gilbert. I was smiling at my computer screen as she described Rebekah and literally saying out loud, “Wow, remind you of anyone?” She talked about the most important bond being between family and she’s right. But family isn’t just about blood. It’s about who you love and how you love them. It’s about being ready and willing to do anything you can to protect them, it’s about wanting the best for them and always being there no matter what. Damon and Elena have been that to each other for so long now that I don’t see how anyone could argue that these two aren’t each others family.

The connection they have exists on so many levels. It’s friendship, it’s love, it’s family, eventually it’ll be lovers. But all those things are manifestations of the fact that they fit together in every way that it’s possible for two people to fit and this entire scene managed to encapsulate all of those nuances which is no small feat. Part of what makes Damon and Elena’s realtionship real is how complicated and three dimensional it is. That’s also what makes it so damn beautiful.


Elena & The Green Eyed Monster

So as you’ve probably noticed it’s been radio/blog silence from me after the last two episodes, with reason. I’ve not been happy and I’ve not been impressed. However, I love this couple and am not going to let a shocking, catastrophicly dire little thing like lack of D/E scenes in three episodes throw me off my game. 😆

At the suggestion of a fellow shipper (thanks pjt!) I’ve decided to have a look at Elena’s display of this emotion :

Elena was no happy to discover that Katherine was in her words “shacking up” with the brothers Salvatore. Now, personally, if I was Elena, I’d be a little less miffed, oh I don’t know, if my boyfriend hadn’t half strangled me to death because he can’t tell the difference between a 500 plus year old vampire and my 18 year old human self.

Clearly Stefan is not much on the details like you know, a beating human heart. Might explain that five minute issue. To quote Gossip Girl and Blair Waldorf, “A woman remembers.” 😆

Okay, okay, enough potshots about Stefan’s stamina or lack thereof. The real point of this post is to figure out what exactly Elena is all up in arms about. Here are the options.

a) She is worried that Katherine will mind whammy Stefan into becoming her love slave

b) She is worried that Katherine will mind whammy Damon into deciding that she (Elena) isn’t worth being hopelessly devoted to

c) She is worried about a and b

d) She is worried that Katherine is just one more in a line of women – Rose, Andie, Jessica – that have been introduced by the writers as a way to pathetically plausibly prevent her from following her destiny and just getting with Damon already.

Read the rest here to see if your answer is the same as mine 8)

Evolution: The Flip Side

Someone asked if I’d do a post similar to the one I did on the evolution of Elena’s feelings, for Damon so here it is 🙂

I’ve always considered Damon and Elena’s first meeting to have happened in the pilot, in the graveyard. The pilot is actually littered with references to Damon and his eventual role in Elena’s life but the graveyard is the first time that Elena and Damon (in human form) occupy the same space.

The fact that Damon is already watching her – and scaring her – sets the stage for everything that their relationship has evolved into since then.

There is no denying that right off the bat Damon is quite fascinated by Elena; he’s in intrigued by her in the same way he’d be intrigued by anything out of the ordinary. Let’s think about where he’s at, at this point in the series. He’s 160 years old give or take and he’s spent the last 145 years with two objectives: freeing Katherine and making Stefan miserable.  Since the former meant waiting for that comet to pass around, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Damon spent a lot of time being lonely and bored.

Elena’s existence provides an unexpected source of entertainment for him. Especially because he can satisfy his own curiosity and annoy Stefan at the same time.

The graveyard meeting as I mentioned really sets the stage. Elena doesn’t see Damon and even if she had she’d have no idea who he was. Nevertheless, she senses his presence and it unnerves her.  He’s still unnerving her albeit for very different reasons. And just as she ran from the fog and the crow, she’s still – although less and less in my opinion anyway – running from her feelings for him.

Read The Rest

My Crystal Ball is Glowing

Okay, so those of you in the Social Circle know that Danni is the real psycho psychic among us 😆 but  – and even though we aren’t exactly at mid season yet – I feel comfortable in saying after events in The Sacrifice that I was right on the money in terms of Elena realizing her feelings for Damon by the time the winter hiatus comes along.

She repeatedly included him in the list people she cares about and is willing to die for; people she loves. And that to me indicates one big step forward. I don’t think that she’s gotten through a full exploration of her feelings for him but I think now her mind is open to it. She knows that he matters to her and what’s left is for her to figure out just how much and in what ways.

That will come soon enough.

If I had to make another prediction, I’d say that at the moment we’re more likely to see things heating up between D/E than to see a Stelena reconciliation. I see Damon and Elena growing closer while Stefan and Elena drift further apart and that is not all to do with Stefan being sealed into a tomb.

Read my recap of The Sacrifice here


We all know that Damon loves Elena, that he’s in love with her. But the question that I’ve heard so many people asking is what does Elena feel for Damon? I know that there is frustration with how difficult it is to discern what Elena is thinking and feeling when it comes to him. Does she love him or hate him? Does she care or doesn’t she? If he was gone would she miss him? If he died would she mourn him?

And if the answer to the last two questions is yes, then the next question is why? Would it be because he’s Stefan’s brother? Would it be because Jeremy’s grown attached to him? Or would it be because she – independent of anything or anyone else – wants to have him in her life?

I predicted  before the season started that by mid season, Elena would have recognized her feelings for Damon. I still think that we’re on target for that because recognizing her feelings doesn’t necessarily mean admitting them to anyone else. At some point in the next two or three episodes I think that we as an audience will be able to tell either through her words or actions, that Damon means a lot more to her than she’s been willing to own up to.

First Impressions

When she first met him, Elena was quite charmed by Damon. How could she help it? He was going out of his way to be very charming indeed. But Elena’s not stupid and it didn’t take her long to realize that Damon’s charm such as it was, was very practiced, very smooth. 

Too smooth.

She realizes in Friday Night Bites in that scene where he tries to kiss her in the parking lot that, as she says, “there’s a double meaning behind everything you say” and that what is more, he does it all on purpose. Elena is no longer charmed.

But she’s still Elena and she is –  as she demonstrated by offering condolences on his loss of Katherine – a sympathetic soul who believes in second chances. So when Damon apologizes in Family Ties, she doesn’t shut him down. She recognizes that he and Stefan have a complicated and tortured relationship and that Damon suffers from this as much as Stefan does.

Elena’s feelings for Damon are initially dominated by the fact that she can see and empathize with his emotional distress.

Read The Rest

Because/In Spite Of 101

I thought I’d kick off this blog for real for real with a post on a topic that is at this point one of my trademarks. Consider it an introduction for those of you unfamiliar with it and a refresher course for those of you that are.

Love in the TVD universe can be divided into two categories: Conditional and Unconditional or as I like to call them “Love Because” and “Love In Spite Of”. I especially use these two labels to differentiate between the way that Damon loves people and the way that Stefan loves people.

I should point out before going any further that loving someone because does not mean that there is no aspect of that love that exists in spite of and likewise loving in spite of does not mean that there are no elements of loving because. All forms of love include parts of each. It’s just a matter of what dominates.

Damon Salvatore: King of the Unconditional

Damon’s love is unconditional. It always has been. It is in fact one of the reasons that he does not love often. He’s too loyal and fierce in love to be flaky about it. Now, Damon is a big believer in give and take and in getting what you give. At his core, he has spent eternity searching for someone who will love him unconditionally and that is why when he extends love, he does so without strings.

Damon has, at least in my opinion, a remarkable amount of self awareness. He knows that he has flaws and he knows that he’s made mistakes. This is what allows him to be so forgiving of other people’s flaws. He’s not in a position to judge so he doesn’t. He also understands that if he can’t look past other people’s transgressions, he can’t expect them to look past his. It’s also important to note that he possessed this quality as a human and that as a result it magnified when he turned into a vampire.

Stefan Salvatore: My Heart Is Yours But Watch Out For The Strings

Stefan as a human may have fallen into a trap, ironically because everyone loved him so much. He was the good son, the favorite son. He was the paragon of virtue and it seems possible that he came to believe that those were the only reasons that he was loved and that as a result he also came to believe that only people who are “good” deserve love. He has therefore always been drawn to the good and positive qualities that he sees in people.

But after he turned, that belief presented him with an intense conflict. Suddenly he was confronted with the fact that he was no longer “good” and therefore no longer “deserving” of love. Stefan carries to my mind an incredible and unhealthy amount of self loathing for his vampire self. This means that he struggles to accept himself and struggles to accept that others can accept him.

He is unforgiving of his own flaws and therefore has a very hard time accepting flaws in other people. And see, I’m of the belief that true love can’t exist without total acceptance. So this is where Stefan’s love falls down and becomes conditional to me. He only loves certain things about people and while he doesn’t necessarily or completely turn his back on people who have disappointed him, he allows those disappointments to condition the rest of the relationship in ways that ultimately force it to fall apart.

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