Almost Isn’t Good Enough

The season 3 premiere came so close to sucking me in again but then it fell short and you know what they say, almost isn’t good enough. I couldn’t think of a better way to say my (prolonged but still hopefully temporary) goodbye to these two than writing them letters. And I know there are people out there who loved the episode and who are feeling optimistic. I’m glad for them and I don’t want to taint that. This is just where I’m at personally. So disclaimer : DO NOT READ IF YOU WERE HAPPY WITH THE EPISODE AND LOVING DELENA AND NOT GIVING A CRAP ABOUT THE TWO MINUTES OF STELENA AT THE END.

*****************************************************************************************************************************

A drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I’m holding you closer than most,
‘Cause you are my heaven.

Dear Elena,

It’s funny how things work out. When I first met you, I had no idea I’d grow to love you so much. Damon and I have that in common. I’ve discovered so many things about you; admired your strength, cursed your stubbornness but mostly just fallen in love with the way you fight for who and what you believe in. Damon’s reaped the benefits of that and Stefan probably will eventually too.

It’s no secret, I’m not a fan of your relationship with Stefan and honestly if I had my way, you’d never give him the time of day again. But that’s out of my hands and I know it probably won’t go down like that. I still hope though, that one day you’ll realize, the other Salvatore brother is the one that’s meant for you.

You’ve looked into Damon in ways that you’ve never looked into Stefan. And he’s let you. I know that somewhere inside you, you understand what that means. I hope you treasure it.

I’m not writing this letter to shoot the breeze. I’m writing it because my dear, you’re on your own. 18 years old and mostly grown. It’s time for me to take a step back from this journey that you’re on.

Be careful with Damon. He’s more breakable than even you know – even more now that he’s trying recapture the man inside him that’s spent all those centuries hidden. Try not to hurt him anymore than you can help.

You and Damon mean a lot to me. I want you to find your way to each other. I want you to be brave and give him a chance. But I can’t make you do it and I can’t watch his heart keep breaking over you, over Stefan, over you & Stefan.

So I’m out, at least for now. But that’s no excuse for you not to be the woman I know you are. Fight for yourself first, Elena. I think that’s all I can really ask of you.

***************************************************************************************************

Dear Damon,

You know you gutted me tonight, right? It’s becoming a nasty habit of yours. I’m not even sure I know what to tell you – there aren’t words for the frustration and rage and pain I felt from you tonight. I know you feel as if you’ve failed but that’s not the case. You know better than anyone that you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. He’s your brother, you love him. Doesn’t matter whether I think he deserves it or not.

But you also love her and she’s the one who’s here and who needs you. You’re doing well so far; protecting her but not sugar coating the truth. She needs to understand what Stefan is – all of what he is – before she can make a real choice about being with him or not.

Here’s the part that worries me and I know that you’re probably not letting yourself think about it because you’re you. When Stefan does come back, she won’t just walk away from him. That’s not who she is and you wouldn’t love her as much as you do if it was.

Now I know you, Damon. I know who you’ve been, who you are and who you’re trying to be. I don’t doubt for a minute that you love them both enough to turn your back if that’s what they need. But god help me, I can’t be there to see it happen and I can’t spend the next nine months waiting to see if it will, hoping against hope that it won’t.

I know that Elena belongs with you. I know how much you love her. I hope she’ll come to love you back just as much. You deserve that and so does she. You two are part of me now and I’ll always be out there hoping that you find your way.

**************************************************************************************************************************

I feel like I should also point out that my reaction here has very little to do with Damon and Elena or their realtionship directly. It’s really about the writers and the fact I’m tired of making excuses or defending details. That S/E scene at the end really bugged me because I feel like it’s pandering and that makes me in turn feel as if my emotions are being exploited. I’m too invested in D/E for my own good probably but the relationship I have with this show has gotten abusive. TV is not supposed to be this painful to watch.

That’s the real reason I’m taking a break. I’ll catch up in a hiatus or next summer.

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16 Comments

  1. My feelings EXACTLY. Thank you. I am out too….

  2. While I respect your opinion very much, I think it is very sad that you have decided to stop watching. In my personal opinion we all know what we were getting into when we decided to ship Damon & Elena. We knew that is wasn’t going to be all hugs and kisses and rides into the sunset. And honestly do we really want it to be? Isn’t that why we don’t like her and Stefan together? While I know I would love it if they were together I don’t think it would make much sense right now.

    I personally didn’t like her speech to Stefan at the end of the episode about how she will love him forever, I also think it would be really out of character for her to just be like “hey Damon your right I do love you, screw Stefan let’s be together.” Damon & Elena have always been about a slow burn not love at first sight. And I think thats what makes them amazing. While it frustrates us to no end I think it will make they pay off even better.

    The writers have said this is going to be a Delena season. And while I don’t believe that means exactly what the fans want it to mean, I do think we should give them a chance before flouncing on the first episode. Sorry for the long rant it’s just that you are one of my favorite writers for Delena and it makes me so sad that you are giving them up. Even if it is only for a short while. I hope you decide to give it another try. If not the DE fanfiction community will miss you.

    • Okay, I was in the process of writing you this whole long reply and I think it went missing. 😦

      Basically, I just want to say that my choice has nothing to do with D/E per se. I love them as much as ever. And I did NOT expect Elena to be over Stefan. That’s not the issue. The issue is the plot device they’ve chosen to depict certain things. Example.

      The scene with Elena holding onto the necklace after Damon tells her it’s Stefan not Damon doing the killing to me sends the same message of Elena still loving Stefan being worried about him etc as their scene at the end. So why include that scene if not to cater to the S/E fans. It leaves me feeling as if my emotions are being exploited and I’m tired of it. It’s not fun for me anymore to spend week after week reading into “the writer’s intentions” and what they say or didn’t say, all the while wondering/dreading how much more wrong things can go.

      I actually think this season will be much better than last one. I just don’t have the emotional energy for it. :/

      • I totally agree with you about the last scene. I just think, and have thought this for a while, that Elena needs to have her rose colored glasses ripped off when it comes to Stefan. It just bothers me that even after finding out that all of these murder victims are Stefans she tells him that it’s okay and she still loves him but if Damon steps one toe out of line she gets all pissed off.

        I also think that Damon somewhat caters to this. He has kept the more horrible things that Stefan has done from Elena, for example killing Andi right in front of him not 1 hour earlier, and is letting her think that he is still the same Stefan that she thinks she knows. I know he is doing this to protect her feelings but I still think she needs a serious wake up call. This is one of the reasons I enjoyed their dynamic in the first episode. While yes what he said to her about Stefan could be considered mean, it was true and needed to be said.

        As far as the emotional rollercoaster goes, personally it’s why I watch TV. I would be bored if everything was all rainbows and candy canes. But thats just me. lol

  3. I know it’s not like you gave up even if it feels like it and like it’s going in that direction. I think this isn’t about DE so much. If I can share my thoughts I’d say that I feel the same way but this has nothing to do with DE as whole. They’re amazing. The first and my only pairing that I ever loved so much.

    My first problem is SE, SE and more SE and what the writers are doing with Elena (um began to do with Elena from S2) for the sake of SE. I couldn’t believe last night when I caught myself few times being so annoyed with Elena and just wanted the scene to end. How the hell they managed to do that? Is that their goal? To show us that Elena is so blind and in denial (so much that soon it could be close to – just stupid?) so we won’t be for DE?

    I love Elena and I expect her to love Stefan but honestly after last nights episode not be in love with him when (if) she realizes some things later. I can’t never imagine that Elena who I love could be with person, in a relationship, with someone like Stefan. Many would say: But how could she be with Damon then? After last episode I think I would never have to/want to explain the difference again to anybody and you’re smart girl I know, I read a lot of your posts in here and on forum, so I know you know what I mean by it. It’s one thing showing Elena how much she cares and in future what she’ll do to help Stefan but it’s WHOLE other thing to ever, ever put her in a relationship like that again with whispered sweet nothings and all that. Well, I don’t know if that is going to happen but if I look at things without my DE glasses and in the past what writers did, how could I expect the opposite? Not to mention the last scene. I screamed, literally, from frustration. I don’t care about Stefan. I care about Elena and what writers, in their desperate need to make something work that isn’t working for a very long time, will do just to prove that they can. Who knows, maybe one of the steps of pushing DE shippers from DE is to rewrite Elena – from smart girl who’s world isn’t turning around a guy to blind and full of denial Elena who can’t face the day because her boyfriend is away.

    Now Damon. My second problem. What can I say? While they’re doing this with Elena they’re turning Damon into even more awesome man then he is/that we know he can be. What they expect? Just because they said that we should all love and cry over Stefan that we’ll do it? IMO Stefan can only dream to be like Damon. I stopped reading stupid interviews two months ago and life is a lot easier. I recommend to you that you do just that. What we see on screen is Damon who is amazing and who deserves our love and Elena’s love and you know this for 100% and you know it WILL happen. Then JP’s interview happens and it messes with this conviction (to soothe few SE shippers). Just because she said that Damon needs to suffer more because of past or whatever she’s saying these days we’re angry and losing hope. Then Stefan should suffer for next 3 season but oh, the irony, we just know that won’t happen. It’s so unfair that Stefan will and has all this people around him and he doesn’t even deserve it now…he can make a phone call and have minute of peace while Damon is all alone and losing it in Stefan’s room. Do they really think we should be for Stefan and not for Damon after this? For Stefan who called Elena and breathed into the phone and didn’t call Damon instead after he killed Andie? Please. I know that Stefan will suffer after all this but in the same time I know he’ll have support all around while Damon suffers from season to season and nothing truly good happens to him. It’s hard to watch this. I suffer with him. Every single time I saw that sad face I wanted to go in the corner and cry. And the worse part is that you know it isn’t supposed to be like this. None of it. Damon deserves so much more, there’s so much light in him…So much that if he could transport some in Elena they both could live and breath on it. If just writers let him, them be.
    So that is what I feel is the problem when you separete Damon and Elena, SE and DE. When you look at DE vs. SE it’s sad that vs. even exist by now. I don’t know for how long I would/could tolarate SE (and like I said what this is doing to Elena) when I know that Elena deserves so-much-more and more and then some more and she can have it. And you have to watch Damon who can give her all that and who himself, I’m sure of it, lost all hope that can ever happen. Maybe I’m not feeling Elena’s pain on Stefan issue as I feel Damon’s pain because I don’t belive in SE love one bit.
    Maybe I’m supposed to believe it but why I’m not thinking that? Just one exemple: Damon is doing everything to save Stefan while not really telling Elena how much of a creep and psiho Stefan is just so she can breath easier not knowing. And Stefan makes a phone call that won’t do any good to Elena and it will make her cry but he does it anyway so he can feel better – so he can hear her soothing words that will gave him strengh and not say anything in return.
    Honestly, I’m thinking about quiting too. It hurts too much. And if you of all people, of all DE shippers feel this way, we should all pack our bags from TVD world and leave, closing and locking the door behind us.

    • Thanks for that comment. I basically agree with everything you said. I think a lot of the time we worry about Damon character assassination but I don’t think that will be a S3 issue. Elena character assassination on the other hand. I already feel like it’s open season on the girl. I really want her to fight for herself and stand on her own two feet. What I’ve always loved about D/E is that Damon enjoys fiesty Elena SO much. That’s what he was killing himself trying to protect last season.

  4. It’ll take more than this for me to tune out, and I loved the Delena scenes in 3×01, but I do understand what you mean and I am very frustrated with the writers as well.

  5. I’m not quite ready to bail…yet. But it’s coming. The S/E scene bothered me to no end. Not only does it display (again) Stefan’s inate selfishness, it reinforces Elena’s blind faith in him. For the love of god, WHY?! He stalked her, moved home because he “had” to know her and by doing so has brought a lot of pain and suffering into her life. Now he purposefully chose to save his brother over a life with Elena. He did this knowing what the consequences were, what he would become. I’m trying to give Elena the benefit of the doubt, because she’s never actually met Ripper Stefan. His lapse in season 1 was tame compared to this. But if she so much as looks at Damon funny after seeing the full glory of Ripper Stefan, I am going to be beyond pissed. Damon is many things and has done some horrible things, but he is NOT a ripper.

    Damon. My poor, poor Damon. Emotional torture porn, just what I was afraid of. Despite all his yammering about wanting Stefan to embrace his nature, Damon never wanted this. I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but I almost wish Stefan had adhered to Damon’s wishes and let him die. Damon deserves to be happy, dammit. This constant yo-yo the writers have going on with him is getting old really fast.

  6. I liked the epidsode except the SE scene at the end. I think Elena is a bit of a hypocrite. She has ridden Damon so hard for nearly two seasons to “Be the better man” yet Stefan is leaving blood and body parts all over the eastern seaboard and she says she loves him and to hold onto that……I don’t know, maybe she needs evidence of the carnage before she believes what Stefan is capable of.

  7. I am going to attempt to keep this brief, but I make no promises. I’m beyond depressed that you are taking a break, because reading your work has been so much a part of my own DE journey, and enjoyment.

    Your fics were amongst the first I read, and actually inspired me to try writing some myself. They have made me laugh, made me cry, gave me hope when I needed it, and broke my heart in the sweetest possible way at times. To say your writing and your comments will be missed is an understatement. I have looked to you every time my faith has wavered, and without you there as part of the journey, the journey will be missing something for me.

    In my opinion TVD has lost a great asset in you. I believe you have been responsible for whipping up support for these two, and promoting them when faith for them has been at its lowest. Just look at how many people joined livejournal just to follow your work. Not only do you write Damon to perfection, but you write Elena to perfection, and you write Damon with Elena to perfection. No-one else is able to do what you do.

    I’m not going to go into my thoughts on the writers, Stefan, pandering, or the current story lines because I won’t stop. I just want to say I am now officially in mourning. You will be missed for as long as this absence persists.

    Michelle (LoveEpicLove)

  8. I have to echo the sentiments of the other people who posted that my D/E journey has been so much richer because of your posts. If you really end up checking out for a while, please know that you will be sorely missed. Having said that, I totally get your opinion about being emotionally spent with the way the writers handle the D/E relationship, because I was there last spring. Every time Damon moved 1 step forward in Season 2, the writers moved him 4 steps back shortly thereafter. I think that the writers know how passionate D/E fans are, and how we search for any little crumb in the episodes to give us hope of a D/E relationship, and use it against us. The writers would trample Damon’s character – make him almost unloveable – and for what purpose? So that fans of other ships could bag on him? So that Elena could admonish him one more time? So that the S/E ship would look that much more epic? I was so angered last season that I almost stopped watching. I know this is just a TV show, and that the show is about more than D/E, but I began to feel totally manipulated. Your posts helped me focus more on Damon, rather than D/E, so that I could appreciate his journey. Similarly, I hope to focus on Elena this season, rather than D/E, so that I can appreciate her development. I will enjoy seeing Paul Wesley show his ripper side this season – I think he is a good actor, so I hope the writers do him justice. I think that D/E is the right match, but after 2 seasons (especially last season), I really don’t believe that the writers will give the viewers that endgame (but how I would love to be proved wrong!). So….I will stop investing so much in D/E as the endgame, and try to enjoy what D/E interaction we do get. I hope that the awesomeness of D/E will pull you back to the forums at some point before the hiatus, especially since I think you know the characters better than the writers in many instances!

  9. Is this the same person who wrote such beautifully thought out and inspiring recaps from last season? Because this was the first blog I went to after 3×1… So excited for another recap… And I see that you’re bailing? This is beyond disappointing…. and a little over the top, if I’m being honest. Did people honestly expect Elena to run into Damon’s arms? Yes, deep down she loves Damon, but her boyfriend is missing and might be dead. Elena isn’t going to just dismiss that and move on. You know her character so well that you have to know that. Plus, the writers are going to milk it. That’s just the way the entertainment world works. Yes, it’s frustrating… But it’s to be expected. The fact is, it’s a story about a love triangle. Damon and Elena will happen, and you’re going to miss the journey,

    • Hey,

      I kinda felt the need to reply to this because I feel like not everyone understands what I’m trying to say. I don’t think anyone, least of all ME, expected Elena to just run into Damon’s arms. You’re right, that’s not who she is. My problem is not with Elena or Damon or whether or not they’re going to happen. They will. Of course they will. it’s HOW they happen that is of concern to me. And I love Damon and Elena enough to feel justified in wanting the WAY their story is told to be as important as the story itself. The journey needs to be as beautiful as they are. It’s my PERSONAL opinion that some of the writer’s choices are detracting from that.

      I’m sorry you feel that my reaction is over the top, that’s unfortunate. I’m sorry if I don’t feel like tuning in every week to have my emotions exploited while the writers “milk” their love triangle. I think there is a way to tell this story without inflicting this level of distress on certain segments of the fandom; ways that would tell the story just as well or better. But it’s not my story or my show. I can only react to what Kevin and Julie decide. And right now, the choices they are making, have resulted in me no longer finding enjoyment in the show. That doesn’t mean the show is bad, or that D/E won’t happen or that I have given up on them. I haven’t. And I actually enjoyed most of the premiere itself. I just can’t handle the week to week roller coaster of emotions. If you can, if you enjoy that then more power to you. Happy watching 🙂

      • I understand. I just think everyone will miss your recaps tremendously. I think we all wish you were the writer of the show sometimes! Your insight is just incredible. I think we’ve all been frustrated and have had our doubts but I’m always going to keep hoping that they eventually get it right, making the journey ultimately worth it.

        One thing I do have to say about Season 3 — I obviously enjoyed the Damon and Elena bedroom scene last night but I feel like the jump forward through the summer has left us hanging a bit. Obviously Elena and Damon did some bonding, but it kinda feels like we missed it. The season just picks up on Elena’s birthday but we missed a lot of great potential in between stuff — Like Elena and Damon’s longer reaction after the kiss and things like that. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s not a huge deal, but the jump in time is throwing me off a bit.

  10. Please write again!!!!

  11. I understand what you meant by this post of yours. I have been reading your reviews since early Season 2, and I love ALL your stories. I loved, followed and read them when they used to be on FF.net and I still read them on LJ.net.
    I never commented on anything, but I just felt like writing here. Dunno why, ignore it if you don’t like it…. And sorry if I am bugging you with this.

    I understand that you mean that although Damon and Elena might come together and may end up as well, it is EQUALLY necessary to portray their story, How they happened, WHAT exactly happened during, what triggered which action, when and how and why they kissed, tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and what not happened, i.e. THE SHEER PORTRAYAL of everything THEM, needs to come under the spotlight, rather than the overly coddled Stefan/Elena storyline. And that’s why, you got a little frustrated and you have decided to go on a hiatus. That’s what I got. Am I right??

    Anyway, if I am right, then trust me, I totally understand your frustration and emotions. Theirs is a story MUCH TOO PRECIOUS not to be told perfectly or sidelined.

    I dunno if you’re still abstaining from the show or not. I was a little (or very very late) at reading this post. So, I’ll just say this. If you get this comment, and if you’re still prohibiting yourself from watching the show,my suggestion will be …. Just watch Ep 2.
    You’ll love it. Ep 1, was a pure damper and it was like a bucket of cold ice over ALL the pent up enthusiasm since S2 finale. But watch the following episodes, especially 2, 5, 6. You’ll be at least a little bit of happy. Um sure!

    Anyway, if you’ve already watched them, then please ignore this as a meaningless rant. And take care! 😉


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