There’s a One Shot In It For You

So I (and D’Ann) entered this contest for original fiction at http://www.romanceisnotdead.com and to have even more fun with it, we thought we’d bring you guys into it.

First person to find each of our stories wins a one shot – subject of their choice. DM me on Twitter if you think you know which story  is mine and which is D’Ann’s.

Read, review, request. It’s that simple. Happy hunting!

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Almost Isn’t Good Enough

The season 3 premiere came so close to sucking me in again but then it fell short and you know what they say, almost isn’t good enough. I couldn’t think of a better way to say my (prolonged but still hopefully temporary) goodbye to these two than writing them letters. And I know there are people out there who loved the episode and who are feeling optimistic. I’m glad for them and I don’t want to taint that. This is just where I’m at personally. So disclaimer : DO NOT READ IF YOU WERE HAPPY WITH THE EPISODE AND LOVING DELENA AND NOT GIVING A CRAP ABOUT THE TWO MINUTES OF STELENA AT THE END.

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A drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I’m holding you closer than most,
‘Cause you are my heaven.

Dear Elena,

It’s funny how things work out. When I first met you, I had no idea I’d grow to love you so much. Damon and I have that in common. I’ve discovered so many things about you; admired your strength, cursed your stubbornness but mostly just fallen in love with the way you fight for who and what you believe in. Damon’s reaped the benefits of that and Stefan probably will eventually too.

It’s no secret, I’m not a fan of your relationship with Stefan and honestly if I had my way, you’d never give him the time of day again. But that’s out of my hands and I know it probably won’t go down like that. I still hope though, that one day you’ll realize, the other Salvatore brother is the one that’s meant for you.

You’ve looked into Damon in ways that you’ve never looked into Stefan. And he’s let you. I know that somewhere inside you, you understand what that means. I hope you treasure it.

I’m not writing this letter to shoot the breeze. I’m writing it because my dear, you’re on your own. 18 years old and mostly grown. It’s time for me to take a step back from this journey that you’re on.

Be careful with Damon. He’s more breakable than even you know – even more now that he’s trying recapture the man inside him that’s spent all those centuries hidden. Try not to hurt him anymore than you can help.

You and Damon mean a lot to me. I want you to find your way to each other. I want you to be brave and give him a chance. But I can’t make you do it and I can’t watch his heart keep breaking over you, over Stefan, over you & Stefan.

So I’m out, at least for now. But that’s no excuse for you not to be the woman I know you are. Fight for yourself first, Elena. I think that’s all I can really ask of you.

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Dear Damon,

You know you gutted me tonight, right? It’s becoming a nasty habit of yours. I’m not even sure I know what to tell you – there aren’t words for the frustration and rage and pain I felt from you tonight. I know you feel as if you’ve failed but that’s not the case. You know better than anyone that you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. He’s your brother, you love him. Doesn’t matter whether I think he deserves it or not.

But you also love her and she’s the one who’s here and who needs you. You’re doing well so far; protecting her but not sugar coating the truth. She needs to understand what Stefan is – all of what he is – before she can make a real choice about being with him or not.

Here’s the part that worries me and I know that you’re probably not letting yourself think about it because you’re you. When Stefan does come back, she won’t just walk away from him. That’s not who she is and you wouldn’t love her as much as you do if it was.

Now I know you, Damon. I know who you’ve been, who you are and who you’re trying to be. I don’t doubt for a minute that you love them both enough to turn your back if that’s what they need. But god help me, I can’t be there to see it happen and I can’t spend the next nine months waiting to see if it will, hoping against hope that it won’t.

I know that Elena belongs with you. I know how much you love her. I hope she’ll come to love you back just as much. You deserve that and so does she. You two are part of me now and I’ll always be out there hoping that you find your way.

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I feel like I should also point out that my reaction here has very little to do with Damon and Elena or their realtionship directly. It’s really about the writers and the fact I’m tired of making excuses or defending details. That S/E scene at the end really bugged me because I feel like it’s pandering and that makes me in turn feel as if my emotions are being exploited. I’m too invested in D/E for my own good probably but the relationship I have with this show has gotten abusive. TV is not supposed to be this painful to watch.

That’s the real reason I’m taking a break. I’ll catch up in a hiatus or next summer.

The Third Time/Season Is (Supposedly) The Charm

Well hello there! Assuming anyone is still interested in reading my random ramblings on the subject of the Vampire Diaries, I thought this would be a good time for it, given that tonight is the Season 3 premiere.

But I have to be honest. For most of the summer hiatus, I have been totally disconnected from the TVD fanbase. There’s a couple reasons for that – divisions within the fandom, the hysteria over Ian/Nina and most of all, a twisted and delayed reaction to the events of season 2.

Oh and also this man took over my life.

Yes, I am addicted and will seize on any excuse for an ASkars pic spam.  But back on topic. You wouldn’t know it by reading my recap of the last two episodes of Season 2 – you know, those ones where I was all gooey and optimistic about where Damon and Elena are headed? – but I was actually deeply wounded and traumatized by a lot of what happened last season.

My faith in JP/KW which was really strong in season one and even in the beginning of S2 has been shaken to its core.  I’m not sure I trust them the way that I used to. The main reason for that is that as much as I wish it was, TVD is not the Damon & Elena show. If it was, I wouldn’t ever have to worry about justice not being done to their characters. As it is, for better or worse, Damon and Elena’s relationship, such as it is, can’t be separated – plot wise – from Stefan.

And the thing is that I used to be one of those D/E fans that thought Stefan had layers and really wished that the show would explore them. I consistently argued that a more dimensional Stefan would make for better storytelling all around including for Damon and Elena.

That’s still true. I think it will. Problem is, I no longer care. I no longer care because Stefan crossed lines for me in S2 that he can’t ever uncross. I recognize that he “sacrificed” himself for Damon (though I wonder if a small part of him wasn’t relieved to have a really good excuse to stop fighting his nature so damn hard) but it’s not enough.

I can’t stress enough that this is personal. It’s not about Stefan being justified in his treatment of Damon or vice versa. Fans of each brother can argue their case and make legitmate points. It’s just that I, personally, reached my limit and I no longer care whether what he feels  is justified or not or whether he has reasons for why the way he is.

In true and primal mama bear fashion, all I know is that he has – repeatedly – hurt someone that I care about. He has undermined and disparaged Damon time and again. He’s been self righteous and condescending and on occasion, cruel.

Damon’s no saint. I’m not arguing that and I’m not claiming to be rational. All I’m saying is, when it’s about taking sides, I choose Damon. That simple.

Given that, you can imagine my nerves about this upcoming Ripper story line. The show has consistently shied away from following through on the many, many, MANY teases about Stefan’s dark side. We won’t know until we see it, whether this time will be any different.

But that’s a concern for a little bit later down the line. What’s really worrying me right now is how much damage they can or will inflict on Elena’s character development as the Ripper stuff progresses.

I already find it suspect that Elena can grit her teeth and get on with life after losing Jenna and John but Stefan leaves and she starts falling apart and “letting life pass her by” to quote Caroline. There’s the whole accumulation argument but it doesn’t wash with me. I would have needed to see Elena in a different head space after the Sacrifice to be able to accept that.

I don’t want Elena to be the girl who loses the plot entirely because her boyfriend is gone. More to the point, I distinctly recall Season 1 Elena saying that she didn’t want to be that girl either.

I want to see fierce, independent Elena stage a come back.

My other concern is obviously how Damon and Elena’s relationship progresses. The clip released the other day was reassuring but I’m not getting carried away. Ultimately, I don’t doubt that they’ll get closer but I think it’s what happens after that that has me tied up in knots.

I saw this on True Blood with Eric and Sookie. Ultimately, Damon and Elena’s idyll here is temporary because Stefan will eventually come back to his so called senses. Now, personally, I think Stefan’s dark side is WAY worse than Damon’s. But Elena being Elena it’s plausible (if not palatable) that she could find a way to work through that and give Stefan a second chance.

And me…I’m not sure if I would survive that. To say nothing of what Damon might do. It would be one thing if it was a really far fetched scenario but it’s actually not.

I want desperately to be able to enjoy the moments Damon & Elena will share this season but I am scared to.  The words “Stefan, it’s always going to be Stefan” haunt me and  literally make my skin crawl and my blood run cold at this point.

The weird thing is, I don’t actually think Elena will choose Stefan in the end. If she does decide to be with one of the two brothers, I’m positive it’ll be Damon.

And yet, the idea of watching Damon have his heart shattered all over again in the meanwhile – and believe you me, if Elena goes back to Stefan, even if it’s just for a while, Damon will be devastated in ways that he can’t even imagine – holds no appeal.

I’ve never been so invested in a fictional character. Writing him a lot and often probably hasn’t helped because I really do feel like Damon and Elena are part of me now.

I kept saying over summer that maybe I’d be excited when the show started back but I’m not. Maybe I’ll get over my fear/dread as the season goes on.

And if not at least I’ll have this :